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Long time, no see?

A year is a long time.  The last year of my life has changed me.  If I think about it these last 12 months have been, well, they've definitely been.  I've planned a wedding, gotten married, moved out, moved in, graduated college, remade some friends, made some new friends, had my very first sex toy party, moved away, laughed til I cried, cried til I laughed and everything in between.  The Army has moved us to Augusta, GA...Fort Gordon...Home of the Signal Corps.  A state where I don't know a single soul.  The Army is also taking my husband of 7 months to Iraq in January.  To top it all, the Army has made me scared shitless of becoming a widow.  I'm so panicked that I don't sleep at night, and if I do sleep its painful and sad.  I knew it was inevitable, my husband is a soldier.  He likes being a soldier.  I like that he likes being a soldier.  To many individuals are unhappy with their careers...how can I be upset that my husband enjoys his job?  But this is war, and its his job.  I was never really afraid until the day I knew that Nathan died.  And even that is a tenous connection at best.  We went to sixth grade together.  Thats it.  Just one year of junior high.  But I KNEW him.  He got a pencil stuck in my hair that had to be cut out, and gave me a mini-mohawk for a year afterward.  Nathan of the brown hair and brown eyes.  He got his Eagle Scout, married his college sweetheart, had a little boy, and was blown up by a roadside bomb in Febuary 2008.  He's buried 28 spots from my grandmother.  My husband and I have to make out a will.  A "just in case".  Excuse me Mr. Uncle Sam but fuck your "just in case".  I haven't been married a goddamn year yet...I want the next 50 years of my life with this man.  He is my other half.  My complimentary angle.  Even when I want to strangle him I know that I cannot live without him.  I know life it is not guaranteed.  I don't know how to cope...I don't know how to still get up everyday...I just don't know.  12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days.  Thats how long I will be waiting.  To afraid to breathe but to damn stubborn to ask for help.  And he won't ever know.  I can't tell him.  He'll have enough to worry about...coming home safe to me. 

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
princessleia81
Feb. 2nd, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
i thought this was you..LOL..i wasnt sure since the city was diff then ur myspace=]

thanks for adding me..im trying to find the use yoor own backgrond url agian...i lost it..LMAO

sasha
joeber
Jun. 5th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC)

Hey lady! We just moved into our house here at ft gordon. LJ says its your birthday on sunday! So I was wondering if you have plans to celebrate? If not, I thought I'd swing by with some cupcakes or something. Let me know if that would be ok. I don't know your address either, so that might be helpful too hah.
You can call me at 3135755013 or email at amberharper@blackberry.att.net :)
joeber
Jun. 5th, 2009 04:07 pm (UTC)

Whoops! Its actually amberharper@att.blackberry.net
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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jennelise83
This time I'll be starting with me...
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